Bringing Calm to a Stressful Situation

For this episode, I am going to share one of my favorite days from my book, 31 Days to Renew Your Parenting. After I share part of the book, I’ll include three quick tips to renew your parenting when situations get stressful. 

Get a copy of 31 Days to Renew Your Parenting:

31 Days to Renew Your Parenting: Daily Guided Reflection to Take You from Surviving to Thriving: Scott PhD, Emily: 9798824813739: Amazon.com: Books

Available online parenting classes:

Emotional Regulation for Parents Mini Course

Foundations of Effective Parenting

The Art of Listening in Parenting

Transcript

Hi there, I’m Emily Scott, PhD from Renewed Hope Parenting, I am a certified parent coach and mom of three. Welcome to 'Quick Tips to Renew Your Parenting' — your go-to podcast for practical parenting support in under 10 minutes. As always, I keep this podcast short and sweet because we are busy parents without a lot of time to spare. Remember, small steps can help renew your heart for parenting well.

I wanted to do something a little different for this episode. A few years ago a wrote a parenting book called 31 Days to Renew Your Parenting. It’s a guided reflection guide. Each day, for 31 days, parents read about different parenting topics and I do my best to offer support and encouragement. For this episode, I am going to share one of my favorite days from my book. After I share part of the book, I’ll include three quick tips to renew your parenting when situations get stressful. 

When our kids are overwhelmed, their minds are in chaos. Adding fuel to their fire won’t help. Instead, we need to be their soothing place of calm.

Have you noticed that sometimes the hardest time to be loving and empathetic is when our kids need it the most? From the screaming toddler in the grocery store to teenage hormonal moments, our kids have many moments of emotional overwhelm. Those meltdowns can really test our abilities to be patient and loving. When our kids are in a state of overwhelm, they are in chaos. Their brains are flooded with stress hormones and their amygdala is causing their brains to not function. It really is chaos within their brains, and it is something they often can’t control. (But with time, patience, and skill we can help them learn how to best manage that brain flood.) 

You may have heard the term “amygdala hijack” when our amygdala holds our brain hostage, and we can’t make rational thoughts. Our brain is designed to protect us from danger, and while most of our kids' meltdowns are not true danger, their brains can’t always tell the difference. For them to learn the difference, they need to learn skills that will help them calm their brain when it’s in overload and have opportunities to practice these skills.

Us adding to the chaos they are experiencing isn’t going to help them learn how to calm. We don’t need to add fuel to their emotional fire. Instead, we can take a break, or we can remain a soothing place for them. Isn’t this what we want our kids to do when they are overwhelmed or when someone close to them is overwhelmed? A few calm-down strategies we can try in these hard moments include: deep breaths, spatial recognition (such as “name three blue things in the room, name four green things in the room”). We can count heartbeats, list something we are thankful for on each finger, or regulate breathing to something else (this works well when kids match their breaths to ours). Taking a break, drawing a picture, using a journal, or talking about something imaginary (such as “what would happen if a dragon flew down?” or “do you feel like a volcano about to erupt?”) can be helpful.

Using sincere empathy is an effective way to help our child manage his or her emotions, while also helping us stay calm when we may also want to have our own meltdown, while modeling an effective method for dealing with emotions. When their emotional brains are flooded with stress hormones isn’t the best time to try to logic them out of their feelings. That’s why meeting them with calm, loving empathy is the first thing to do. Once they have calmed the flooding, we can talk about whatever caused the flood, how to problem-solve, or allow them to vent their feelings. 

I understand how hard this is. Sometimes those seemingly illogical meltdowns can really set us off and cause us to have our own amygdala hijack. These moments can really test us and sometimes we react in less than favorable ways. It happens. But we can’t let it happen all the time. We have to learn to control our own selves so our kids see how to do it and we don’t bruise our relationship. They need us to teach them how to handle these moments and, as the adult, we are in a better place to handle these flooded, stressful moments. 

I like to provide you with quick, practical tips so Here are three quick tips to bring calm to a stressful situation 

1.   Regulate Yourself First – Kids absorb our energy, so before reacting, take a deep breath, soften your voice, and ground yourself. Remind yourself that their meltdown is not a personal attack but a sign they are overwhelmed. A calm presence helps them feel safe. This can be incredibly hard because we can easily get triggered or overwhelmed. Try to pause before reacting. 

1. Say Less, Soften More – In the heat of the moment, too many words can add to the chaos. Instead of explaining or correcting, offer simple, reassuring phrases like, "I'm here. You're safe." Pair this with open body language—relaxed shoulders, gentle eye contact, or even sitting nearby without pressuring them to talk. When our kids are flooded, they aren’t in the right brain space to learn. Once they are calmed down, then we can talk about what happened or discuss behavior.
2. Co-Regulate with Connection – Sometimes, kids need space, but often, they need to feel connected. Offer a calm, grounding presence by matching their energy in a softer way—if they’re loud, try a gentle hum; if they’re tense, offer a reassuring touch (if they’re open to it). Let them know they don’t have to handle big emotions alone.

If you found today’s episode helpful, you can get a copy of my book 31 Days to Renew Your Parenting on Amazon. I have it linked in the show notes and on my website RenewedHopeParenting.com 

Also, if you need more parenting support, I have several online parenting classes available. Foundations of Effective Parenting. The Art of Listening, and Emotional Regulation for Parents. And more on the way. 

Visit RenewedHopeParenting.com to learn more about everything I have to offer to help you be the best parent you can be for your family. You can also follow along with me on Social Media, just search @RenewedHopeParenting Thanks for joining me on 'Quick Tips to Renew Your Parenting.' Small changes can bring big renewal. See you next time!

 (Copyrighted to Emily Scott, PhD RenewedHopeParenting 2022)