Setting Realistic Expectations for Ourselves

As parents, we are often our own harshest critics. We expect ourselves to be endlessly patient, completely present, and capable of juggling everything without breaking a sweat. But here’s the reality: we are human. We have limits, we have emotions, and we have seasons of life where we can’t do it all—and that’s okay.

Let's talk about how to set realistic expectations for ourselves as parents.

Transcript

Realistic Expectations for Ourselves 

Do you ever feel like you’re not doing enough as a parent? Maybe you think you should be more patient, more organized, or more present—but no matter what, it never feels like enough. The truth is, sometimes we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves without even realizing it. Just like our kids need grace as they grow, we do too. Today, we’re talking about how to set realistic expectations for ourselves as parents—so we can parent with more confidence, less stress, and a whole lot more self-compassion.

Hi there, I’m Emily Scott, PhD certified parent coach and mom of 3, and welcome to Quick Tips to Renew Your Parenting—your go-to podcast for practical parenting support in under 10 minutes. As always, I keep this podcast short and sweet because we are busy parents without a lot of time to spare. If you aren't already following along with me on social media, I would love for you to join me—just search @RenewedHopeParenting.

Today, we’re continuing our two-part conversation about realistic expectations. Last time, we talked about why it’s so important to have realistic expectations for our kids—but today, we’re turning that same lens on ourselves.

Why Realistic Expectations for Ourselves Matter

As parents, we are often our own harshest critics. We expect ourselves to be endlessly patient, completely present, and capable of juggling everything without breaking a sweat. But here’s the reality: we are human. We have limits, we have emotions, and we have seasons of life where we can’t do it all—and that’s okay.

When we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, we:

• Create unnecessary stress for ourselves and our family.
• Feel guilt and frustration for not meeting impossible standards.
• Burn out and struggle to enjoy parenting.
• Miss out on the joy of the present moment because we’re always chasing what we “should” be doing.

But when we hold high but realistic expectations, we:

• Give ourselves room to grow rather than expecting perfection.
• Model self-compassion for our kids.
• Allow ourselves to show up in ways that are sustainable and healthy.

So, how do we set realistic expectations for ourselves? Here are some quick tips:

Quick Tips for Setting Realistic Expectations as a Parent

1. Recognize Where You Are in Life
 Parenting looks different in every season. A mom with a newborn is in survival mode and shouldn’t expect to have a spotless house or an elaborate self-care routine. A parent working multiple jobs may not have time for homemade meals every night. Give yourself permission to adjust expectations based on your current reality.

2. Be Kind to Yourself About Where You Come From
 Many of us are parenting without a blueprint—trying to do things differently than how we were raised, while trying to heal ourselves. If you weren’t taught emotional regulation, positive and respectful discipline, or connection-based parenting, you’re learning as you go. And learning takes time. Instead of expecting yourself to get it right immediately, celebrate progress, no matter how small.

3. Focus on What You CAN Do, Not What You Can’t
 It’s easy to focus on all the ways we think we’re falling short—what we didn’t do, should have done, or wish we could do. Instead, flip the script: What are you already doing well? Maybe you were patient during a meltdown today, or you took two minutes to really listen to your child. Small efforts matter.

4. Don’t Compare Your Parenting to Others
 It’s tempting to look at another family and think, Why can’t I be like that? But every family has different circumstances, different challenges, and different strengths. What works for one parent may not work for another—and that’s okay. Your child needs YOU, not a version of you that looks like someone else. Plus, what we see of other families is just a glimpse. We see happy photos on social media or seemingly perfectly behaved kids at the park. But we are only seeing a snapshot, not the whole picture. We all have our struggle seasons and not social media worth moments.

5. Learn from Mistakes and Keep Moving Forward
 You won’t handle every situation perfectly—and you don’t have to. Mistakes are part of parenting, and they don’t define you. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, ask: What can I learn from this? What can I do differently next time? This builds parenting resilience—the ability to learn, grow, and keep showing up with love.

Having realistic expectations for ourselves doesn’t mean we stop trying—it means we stop expecting perfection. Recognize where you are in life, be kind to yourself as you grow, focus on what you can do, and give yourself the same grace you’d give your child. When we show ourselves compassion, we model that for our kids, too.

If today’s episode spoke to you, I’d love for you to check out my online parenting classes or my parenting book for even more support. Visit RenewedHopeParenting.com to learn more.

Thank you for joining me on Quick Tips to Renew Your Parenting. Small changes can bring big renewal. See you next time!